The Molecules of Emotion

Anyone who has ever felt sick with worry or cried at the cinema knows that there is a close connection between our thoughts, emotions and bodily state, but only in the last couple of decades has the medical establishment acknowledged this connection and begun to take it seriously. The reason was that scientists could find no discernible means by which the brain, nervous system and immune system communicated with each other, and hence could not explain how the mind could possibly bring about physical changes.

Dr Candace Pert changed all that. She discovered the biochemical mechanisms through which mind-body communication takes place. As a result of her work, and that work of other great PNI (Psycho-Neuro-Immunology) pioneers such as Cannon, Ader, Felten and the rest, no serious medic today would deny that our thoughts and emotions affect our health. No longer can we regard the body and mind as distinct from each other – they function together as a single unit, an interconnected whole.

The Molecules of Emotion is an account of Dr Pert’s life and work from her graduation in 1970 until its publication in 1997. The first chapter sets the scene, a scientific explanation of ligands, peptides and receptor sites cleverly woven into her account of how she approaches lecturing to an expert audience.  The next few chapters describe the defining period on her life when, as a young scientist trying to make her mark, she fought off those who said it couldn’t be done and discovered the opiate receptor in the brain. She then found herself at odds with those in power who resented her challenge to established scientific thinking and who weren’t ready to be confronted by – shock horror!!! – a woman shaking things up. Indeed, this episode sets the tone for much of the book. She frequently returns to the 1970’s style feminism, concluding that her difficulties in getting the credit to which she was entitled were due to her gender rather than the dirty tricks and ruthlessness of professional colleagues.

Personally, as one who gave up chemistry and biology at an early age, I found the book tough going in places, but the ‘difficult’ passages soon give way to more reader friendly narrative. Parts are stomach churning; her description of making a frothy milkshake-like mixture from the brains of the recently deceased is not for the faint-hearted, but an essential part of her research. She describes research that would later signpost an effective treatment for HIV, an easily synthesised polypeptide that would block one of the receptor sites by which the virus gains access to the body. Complicated, yes, but even so, the author makes it as clear as possible for the uninitiated like me. I learned a great deal, and, thanks to a clear and comprehensive index at the back, will use the book as a source of reference in the future.

Besides, for me, the science is not the only point of the book, for behind the technical details lies a fascinating human interest story of a determined young woman doing unconventional research in a staid and conservative environment. Indeed, her first major breakthrough would not have happened if she’d obeyed her superior’s instruction to discontinue that line of research. Then as the story unfolds, we learn how she was denied her share in a prestigious award, even though she did most of the research; her difficulties combining he professional life with her family life; her 10 year struggle to get funding for research; and how she founding of a research institute with a state-of-the-art laboratory only to have the funding withdrawn after falling foul of the intriguingly unnamed ‘Second Biggest Drug Company on the Planet’. She tells how she sabotaged her chances of gaining a Nobel Prize nomination by refusing to support the nomination of a group of (male) rivals who she felt had stolen her ideas.

Later breakthroughs in HIV/AIDS and cancer treatments followed, each as hard-fought as the last. By then, she had become more resilient, and her anger and frustration had given way to mindfulness and acceptance. For out of her research had come the realisation that forgiveness and a positive attitude in the face of adversity are important for maintaining wellbeing, and that toxic emotions must be expressed and worked through.

meridiansThe final chapters offer an eight part programme for a healthy lifestyle. By then, she had discovered meditation, consciousness and chakra-based energy medicine. She had become an apostle for integrating mainstream, science-based medicine with holistic healthcare, and acknowledged the interaction between ‘healer’ and ‘client’ as an important part of the healing process. She had also stumbled across the notion of information exchange as the basis of understanding biological life, referring to neuropeptides and receptors as ‘information molecules’.

The Molecules of Emotion has been criticised by the more scientifically minded as focussing too much on the human interest story and veering too far towards the ‘woo-woo’ in its final chapters, and by science-phobics as too heavy on technical detail.  But science is an unfolding process. Scientifically, the world has moved on since The Molecules of Emotion was first published. We know a great deal more about the mechanisms by which our mental and emotional processes affect the biochemical make up of the body and manifest as health and wellbeing or dysfunction and disease. As a result, health practitioners (including doctors) are no longer reluctant to discuss with clients how their beliefs and lifestyle choices impact on their health, and more and more clients readily embrace holistic healing approaches alongside conventional medicine.

Dr Pert made some important discoveries, then, not content to keep them to herself, fought hard to bring them to our attention. Her work validates what common sense has always told us – that the mind and body are intimately connected. For me, this book is an essential read for anyone engaged in medicine/healthcare and/or healing, either as a practitioner, educator, policymaker or administrator.

Dr Candace Pert, The Molecules of Emotion: Why You Feel The Way You Feel, Pocket Books, 1999, ISBN- 13: 978-0-6710-3397-2

 

Copyright David Lawrence Preston, 25.3.18. All rights reserved.

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Forgiveness

I’m often struck by the spectacle of people who’ve just suffered some tragedy – like a close relative being murdered – being placed in front of the TV cameras and being asked one of the most stupid of stupid questions – how do you feel? Soon after the event, they’re usually too shocked to say anything sensible. Often they just burst into tears.

Sometimes they express their anger and their desire for vengeance. They say things like ‘how can I sleep until the killer has been brought to justice?’ or ‘If I could get my hands on them I’d tear them limb from limb…..’ They tell how they can’t sleep, their health has suffered, they can’t work because of the worry that consumes them – a natural response to shock in the short term, but in the longer term a sign they haven’t really dealt with it.

Then time passes, the culprit is caught and the same people say, ‘How can I ever forgive them?’ or ‘No punishment can repay what they did.’ ‘Some even say, ‘I don’t want to forgive? Why should I?’

We all know revenge can’t bring back one’s loved ones or change the facts if a terrible accident has taken place.

Fortunately most of us are never in that situation.  We suffer various lesser setbacks, we perhaps feel someone has cheated on us, stolen from us or done us harm in some other way. Our instinct is to try and get our own back, ‘I’ll show him’, get angry, seek revenge or perhaps cut them out of our lives completely.

But there’s a problem – several problems in fact.

  • Anger clouds or judgement. We find ourselves doing unwise things, and sometimes inadvertently sabotage our own well-being.
  • Anger, bitterness, resentment etc. make us ill; they flood the body with toxic stress chemicals, cause the muscles to tighten, leading to physical problems.

It’s said that acid only harms the vessel that contains it.

There’s an old Chinese saying, ‘If you’re going to seek revenge, you’d better dig two graves.’

But let’s not be glib about this – forgiveness isn’t easy. It’s all too easy to say you’ve forgiven because it’s what people want to hear, even though you’re doing it through gritted teeth and deep down you haven’t forgiven at all. And the reason Oscar Wilde gave to forgive isn’t very helpful either. He said, ‘Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys then so much.’

Why forgive

Here are four reasons to start with:

  • When we forgive we heal our pain. Our bodies feel different – less tense. The person or event we’ve forgiven becomes a memory, no longer charged with emotion. You’ll be able to meet the other person as if the situation had never happened between you.
  • Everything we give out boomerangs back on us. Fear and anger come back to hit us. But when we forgive, when we radiate positive energy, negativity dissolves and the boomerang effect doesn’t take place.
  • Forgiveness is not about condoning wrong doing. It is not saying you’re glad it happened or that you would like someone else to change, but about taking total responsibility for your own life.  I often hear people say, ‘Why should I forgive after what they did? How can anyone forgive that?’ But that’s not the point – you don’t do it for them – you do it for you. You do it to get rid of the harmful ‘stuff’ you’re carrying around with you.
  • Above all, you open up the possibility to creating a better future. When you forgive, a transformation takes place in your life. You let go and move on. It brings space into your life for new thoughts and new experiences.

Intention

To say, ‘Just forgive,’ is too glib. There are times when we’re not ready to forgive; when the wrongs we believe we have suffered are too great. We must ask ourselves if we would really like to be able to forgive, if it is something we would like to move towards?

Simply having the intention to forgive – wanting to – sets you on the way to making it happen. That’s why I feel sad for those people who say ‘I’ll never forgive, I don’t want to forgive, why should I?’

The way forward is to create more understanding, more compassion, more wisdom into ourselves. Then over time the pain will ease and the tension gradually fades away.

When we express the willingness to forgive, we’re taking a major step towards letting go.

Thinking

Examine your beliefs about forgiveness. If you believe that you have to get your own back for every wrong that has ever been done to you or it’s a sign of weakness, think about this carefully. Is this belief serving you well?

Work on eliminating unforgiving thoughts. Listen to your self-talk. Tell yourself you don’t want to think this way. Release the energy you’ve been putting into holding on to blaming thoughts.

Use Affirmations – establish in your mind positive attributes such as love, compassion and forgiveness.

Affirm: ‘I now establish forgiveness in my consciousness. Perfect order is now established in my mind. I am at peace.’

Imagination

Make a mental image of the person with whom you are angry and send them love. ‘From this moment on, I send you love and light.’  Surround this image of them in pure white light. ‘See’ yourself as connected to this person. If you cannot yet forgive, imagine yourself looking down on the situation from a higher perspective. Very often the Earth-bound self cannot forgive, but the Higher Self can.

Action

Inwardly or expressly thank those who made life difficult and tested you. They have contributed to your life’s purpose. If you respond wisely, they have aided you in your purpose and your growth.

Stop taking those petty actions of revenge. Extend your generosity and compassion to all. And hardest of all – go to that person and ask forgiveness, or do it in your imagination (they’ll pick it up one way or another).

The Spiritual Perspective on Forgiveness

What about you? What do you need to be forgiven for?

In order to forgive you must have done several things:

  • Judged.
  • Blamed.
  • Experienced fear (or become defensive through fear).

Once you stop judging and blaming, forgiveness is no longer an issue. If you had never judged or blamed another, there would be nothing to forgive.

And don’t forget to forgive yourself – you deserve it as much as anyone else! If you’ve been judging another harshly, you too must be forgiven.

True forgiveness is a permanent state of being, not just an occasional act. Let go and let the universe handle it through the natural Law of Cause and Effect. Others will have to face up to their responsibilities and learn from them, just as we do. We need do nothing. Lessons will be learned. Justice will be done.

Wouldn’t it be good to let those people on the telly have the good news? It would save them a lot of suffering.

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©David Lawrence Preston, 19.2.2017

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Happiness

We all want to be happy, but what is happiness? And what makes us happy?

How happy are you? Give yourself a mark out of ten, where ten means blissfully happy in every way, and zero means totally miserable all the time.

Most people exist somewhere between 5-8, not totally happy but not miserable enough to do anything about it. Why? The problem is, many of us have adopted beliefs that make it hard to be happy.

What chance have you got if you believe you have to earn happiness or that it’s selfish or irresponsible to seek it?

Can happiness be learned or taught?

Some believe that some people are just born ‘the happy type’, but recent studies suggest that this is not entirely true. It seems that happiness can be taught.

We know, for example, that happy people tend to be hopeful about the future. They assume things will work out alright and don’t indulge in blame and self-pity if things go wrong. They don’t rely on money and ‘stuff’ to make them happy, but they know how to get the most out of it. They have a wide circle of friends and don’t take themselves too seriously. They’re able to laugh at life – and themselves.

All of the above traits can be learned, although there are opposing views on how we should go about it. Some believe that you can set happiness as a goal, just as you would work on your next career move, and work towards it. The argument goes something like this:

‘If you were totally in control of your life, healthy, free from worry, prosperous, had good family relationships and lots of friends, an enjoyable and fulfilling career, rewarding hobbies, social activities and fun, and were loved and respected by others, would you be happy? The obvious answer is yes. And since all these can be set as goals, planned and worked for systematically, it follows that happiness, too, can be tackled in this way.’

Try it. You’ll find it works – to some extent, depending on where you’re starting from, but you’ll find that you eventually hit an invisible barrier. Why?

  1. People who set impossible goals become frustrated by the gap between their aspirations and their attainments. Keep your sense of direction (aimlessness is a serious threat to contentment), but don’t be obsessed by it. Research has repeatedly shown that happiness is unrelated to wealth (once you have enough to feed, clothe and house yourself, each extra £, $ or € makes little difference), intelligence, educational attainment or age.
  2. Happiness can only exist in the here and now. It’s a fallacy to think that happiness will arrive when some future event takes place. ‘When…. then I’ll be happy,’ simply doesn’t work. Fill in the gap any way you like – ‘when I achieve all my goals,’ ‘when I make a million,’ ‘when I meet the man or woman of my dreams,’ and so on. Unless you already have the foundations of happiness in place, they are unlikely to make much difference.
  3. Goals anticipate and look to the future, but happiness can only exist in the here and now. Entertainer David Baddiel put it like this: ‘My idea of perfect happiness is not having to believe that happiness resides elsewhere.’

You will never be happy if your happiness depends on your achievements. Have a sense of purpose and goals to aim for, and enjoy the process. If you succeed – great! If you don’t, at least you’ve had fun trying.

To return to the question, ‘Can happiness be taught as a skill?’ – Yes it can. Happiness is a combination of attitude and emotion, and the key to changing attitudes and emotions is the I-T-I-A Formula (see below).

Happiness is an inner state.

You can’t buy happiness, nor sell, drink, drive or wear it. You can’t see, hear, smell, taste or touch it. You can’t go on holiday to it, or give it or receive it as a gift. In other words, it cannot be determined by factors external to yourself. Some live in poverty, yet are happy. Others (including many famous and successful people) are worth millions, but are not.

Applying the I-T-I-A Formula to happiness

I-T-I-A stands for Intention, Thinking, Imagination and Action.

Intention

Are you willing to be happy?  This may seem a trite question, but it’s not. Some would have to give up certain things if they became happy, such as sympathy from others and attention.

You are responsible for your happiness. How can it be any other way? If your happiness depended on the feelings, actions and words of others, how could you ever be truly happy, since you cannot control any of these things?

Thinking

  • What absolutely must happen in order for me to feel happy?
  • What would I prefer to happen for me to feel happy?
  • What would be nice, but not absolutely essential?

Your answers define your rules for happiness. Over zealous rules can destroy your chances of being happy.

  • Realise that happiness is not an absence of problems. Life is a school. Every event, every obstacle has something to teach you so look for the lesson. See problems as challenges that can be turned into opportunities and learning experiences.
  • Let go of the need to be right. Would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy? It’s hard to be both.
  • Look on the bright side. Focus on  pleasant, happy things and count your blessings.
  • Happiness demands complete self-acceptance. If you’re not happy, this is the place to start. No amount of accomplishments and possessions can make up for a lack of self-acceptance.
  • Understand that happiness does not equal fun. Happy people certainly have fun, but happiness and fun are not the same. Fun activities help us temporarily forget our problems – but they do not bring permanent happiness, because the effect fades once the fun ends. Fun is what you feel during the activity; happiness is an on-going state of being experienced before and after. If you rely on fun to bring happiness, you’ll have an empty feeling once the party is over because you’re not addressing the real issues that bring the genuine thing.
  • Embrace change. Change is a natural and inevitable part of life. There’s a saying attributed to Helen Keller:

‘When the door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we don’t see the one which has been opened for us.’

Imagination

Imagine yourself surrounded with happiness, feeling happy, enjoying life, cheerful and contented no matter what is going on around you. Your unconscious will take this as an instruction to create happy feelings for you. Try it – it works!

Action

  • Mix with happy people. Happiness rubs off. So does unhappiness. It’s hard to be happy when surrounded by unhappy people, so mix with people who know how to enjoy themselves. Life is meant to be fun! Comedian Victor Borge described laughter as, ‘The shortest distance between two people.
  • Laugh loud and laugh often. The ability to laugh is a good indicator of mental health. It also alters your body chemistry – endorphins (the ‘happy hormones’) are released into the bloodstream bringing a feeling of well-being. When you’re happy, your body is relaxed, your facial expression changes and you laugh often. It also works in reverse. If you laugh often, it makes you feel better.
  • Smile often. Every time you pass a mirror or see yourself in a shop window, smile. Also, practise the ‘inner smile’ – the more you smile inwardly to yourself, the more you will experience a feeling of happiness. If nothing else, other people will wonder what you’re up to.
  • Do unto others… The happiest people enjoy helping others. Give – not just material things, but yourself. Make time to listen. Be cheerful (even if you’re having a bad day). Not only will you feel better, you’ll find others return your kindness.
  • Be here now.Living in the ‘here and now’ is one of the biggest steps you can take to happiness and peace of mind. How can you be happy if you continually wallow in the past, agonise over old mistakes, wishing you could relive parts of your life, and blaming yourself for wasted opportunities? Stop beating yourself up. Now is the only moment over which you have any control, so make the most of it. If your mind wanders to what might happen tomorrow, bring it back. And finally, remember the last line of ‘Gone With The Wind’ – ‘Tomorrow is another day.’

©David Lawrence Preston, 28.4.2016

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Transform yourself by the renewal of your mind

Your self-esteem is a set of thoughts which manifest in attitudes, emotions and behaviours. If it needs a makeover, apply the I-T-I-A Formula. Remember: all four parts are necessary to effect permanent change.

Intention: Decide right now that you’ll treat yourself with love and respect, and accept only what is right for you.

Thinking: Monitor your self-talk, examine your beliefs, and use affirmations to re-align your thinking. Self-deprecating thoughts have nothing to sustain them other than our own habits.

Imagination: Create the person you want to be in your imagination, knowing that he/she will eventually become the reality.

Action: Let your intentions, thinking and imagination show in your behaviour.  If this feels uncomfortable at first, take it in small steps, ignore any discomfort, and above all persist. Consistent action based on right thinking always brings results.

Persistence and determination are key. Let nothing get in the way of your quest for confidence,  high self-esteem and inner peace. Stretch yourself a little every day. Each success, however small, brings encouragement..

©David Lawrence Preston, 16.1.2017

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Transform yourself by the renewal of your mind

Your self-image is a set of thoughts and mental images which manifest in attitudes, emotions and behaviours. If it needs a makeover, apply the I-T-I-A Formula. Remember: all four parts are necessary to effect permanent change.

Intention: Decide right now that you’ll treat yourself with love and respect, and accept only what is right for you.

Thinking: Monitor your self-talk, examine your beliefs, and use affirmations to re-align your thinking. Self-deprecating thoughts have nothing to sustain them other than our own habits.

Imagination: Create the person you want to be in your imagination, knowing that he/she will eventually become the reality.

Action: Let your intentions, thinking and imagination show in your behaviour.  If this feels uncomfortable at first, take it in small steps, ignore any discomfort, and above all persist. Consistent action based on right thinking always brings results.

Persistence and determination are key. Let nothing get in the way of your quest for high self-esteem and inner peace. Stretch yourself a little every day. Each success, however small, brings encouragement..

 

©David Lawrence Preston, 10.1.2017

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Do you know what makes you happy?

Most of us think we know what makes us happy, but do we? We chase after money and status, seeking happiness by pandering to the senses. We think these will do the trick, but if we knew what really makes us happy, we would crave little.

Take responsibility for your happiness

We gain a wonderful feeling of freedom when we know that it is not events and circumstances that determine our happiness, but our state of consciousness.

Happiness comes from inside. Wherever you go, you take yourself with you. Unless you are happy with yourself, you will not be happy with what you do, where you are, who you’re with, what you achieve or what you have. In fact, you’ll never be happy with life.

Abraham Lincoln famously remarked that, ‘Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.’ A happy person sees things which justify their happiness; an unhappy person see things that justify their unhappiness. Bad things happen to everybody, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be happy. It’s dwelling on the negative that wrecks lives.

Happiness is impossible without the decision to be happy. Start every day as you intend to go on, with a cheerful attitude and cheerful thoughts that boost you in body and spirit. Then keep it up for the rest of the day.

Happiness doesn’t have to be earned

Western culture spreads unhelpful beliefs about happiness. We are taught that it has to be earned, worked and paid for. Otherwise we are expecting something for nothing.

Not so! As spiritual beings, it is right that we should be happy. What is more, it’s our birthright. It’s available to all. Claim it!

This is not a selfish attitude. If you don’t have happiness, how can you share it? And how can you make anyone else happy by being miserable?

Happiness is not an absence of problems

Happiness is not the absence of problems. It is faith in our ability to deal with them.

Problems are part of life, and every problem has something to teach us.

If you’re waiting for all your problems to be solved or hoping for a life without problems to be happy, you’ll wait in vain. Part of happiness is enjoying challenges, overcoming difficulties and learning from the process.

Don’t confuse happiness with fun 

Happy people have lots of fun, but happiness and fun are not the same. Happiness is an lasting and stable state of being, while fun is transitory. Fun pastimes bring pleasure for a while, but the effect wears off once the activity ends.

To be happy, we don’t need everything to be fun. It’s necessary to undertake unpleasant tasks and put up with tedium from time to time. I’ve laboured in factories, lifted soaking bags of manure from a leaky barn onto a lorry, done mind-numbing office work and sold cleaning products door to door. All these jobs were unpleasant but tolerable because I knew they were just stepping stones to a brighter future.

Many people are drawn into fun activities that distract them from our problems only to find that they’ve made matters worse. Instead, focus your mind on what brings true happiness and lay down the right causes. This is the way to find happiness that endures.

Happiness is infectious

When you radiate happiness, you attract happy people. Be cheerful even if you’re not feeling 100% inside. Why let your physical or emotional states detract from someone else’s day?

Smile a lot and look for the funny side in every situation. Put your ego to one side and don’t take yourself so seriously. Laugh loud and often – laughter has been proved to be an effective medicine just as sadness is at the root of many physical ills.

Stop making comparisons

Commercial interests have a great deal to gain by making us feel dissatisfied with what we have. They know full well that only an unsatisfied need motivates, so they encourage us to compare what we have, what we look like and what we do with others. Advertisers skillfully encourage us to want what others have, hoping this encourages us to buy.

Happiness, though, has nothing to do with one’s appearance, wealth, achievements, possessions and so on, so why compare? What’s the point of weighing one set of delusions against another?

Let happiness come to you

Nathaniel Hawthorne wrote, ‘Happiness is a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but which if you sit down quietly, may alight on you.’ Happiness is an attitude or state of consciousness. Have you ever tried chasing an attitude?

When we discover what makes us unhappy, stop doing those things and instead act in harmony with Universal Law, happiness comes and gently sits on our shoulder.

 

©David Lawrence Preston, 17.11.2016

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Laugh with Buddha

Laughing does you good. Laughter can help you deal with many things including the stresses of our daily lives. A good laugh can stimulate your organs as you take in more oxygen, and leave you with a pleasantly relaxed feeling.

laughing-buddha

The Laughing Buddha is a wandering monk who symbolises happiness and smiles knowingly at the absurdity of human behaviour. According to legend, if you rub his pot belly, you will have prosperity and good luck.

Buy yourself a Laughing Buddha and laugh with him. The Laughing Buddha reminds us that life is a game. Play well, but remember that a great deal of human behaviour is just a game in the wider scheme of things.

 

©David Lawrence Preston, 16.11.2016

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How to Become A Positive Thinker

How you think matters.

There is a direct connection between what you think and what you say and do, and what you get out of life. As long as you keep thinking as you’ve been thinking, you’ll keep feeling as you’ve been feeling, doing as you’ve been doing, and getting what you’ve been getting. So if you want something different, do something different; and if you want to do things differently, change your way of thinking. Your behaviour will follow suit. It’s the way we’re made.

Fortunately becoming a habitual positive thinker is no more difficult than learning to ride a bicycle!

The Cycle of Thoughts

You have approx. 50,000 thoughts a day, but where do they come from?  There are four main sources:

a)      Your unconscious. All the experiences you have ever had, whether real or imagined, are recorded in your unconscious mind. When any of this material floats to the surface, you register a thought. This is where the majority of your thoughts come from.

b)      Sometimes a thought is triggered by a feeling. A feeling of hunger, for instance, can trigger the thought I’m hungry, I want food.

c)      Your intuitive self, including your imagination.

d)      You can consciously, purposely and deliberately create them.

The Cycle of Thought goes as follows:

 

1. You have a thought

You cannot prevent a thought arising from the unconscious, but you do have the power to act on or ignore it, accept or reject it. You don’t have to be attached to any thought if you don’t want to.

2. You decide

Thoughts do not inevitably lead to action, although some people act and react without a great deal of conscious thought.

3. You act – or you don’t

You act. Or you don’t. You speak. Or you don’t. If you like what you get, you do it again. If not, eventually you try something different.

4. If repeated, a habit forms

Whenever you repeatedly place your attention on a thought pattern, you create a new habit or strengthen an existing one. And if you withdraw your attention from an unwanted habit, it will fade and die.

5. Habits direct your thoughts

Habits direct your thoughts – if you let them. But you can challenge them and change them if you want to and it you’re determined enough.

Becoming a positive thinker

How do you take charge of your thoughts?  Simple. By changing what you say to yourself. Remember, conscious thinking is really just talking to yourself.

Do this using the Four Step Method:

1.      Be mindful

2.      Interrupt self-defeating thoughts

3.      Feed in the positives

4.      Keep at it

Step One: Mindfulness

Mindfulness is paying attention to your thoughts – listening to your ‘internal dialogue’ or ‘self-talk’.

Try this: Every so often, pause. Break off from whatever you’re doing and be still. Withdraw your attention from everything around you and go inside. What are you thinking?  Is it  positive or negative? Where is it coming from? Why are you thinking that thought? Where is it taking you?

The more you do this, the better. It is the first step in initiating change – and it’s powerful.

Step Two: Thought stopping

You can only hold one conscious thought at a time, so if you become aware of a thought that serves no useful purpose interrupt it. Say something like ‘Stop!’, ‘Cancel!’, ‘Go away!’, or ‘Next!’. This breaks the pattern.

In addition, do something physical like clapping your hands, stamping a foot or banging a table.  You can also imagine closing a book, a symbolic gesture that that’s the end of it.

If you catch yourself thinking negatively, don’t be annoyed with yourself. This will only make you more likely to slip up again. Just let it go.

In time thought stopping becomes unnecessary. Negative thoughts don’t bother entering your head once they realise that they are going to be firmly dealt with!

Step Three: Feed in the positives

Having stopped the unwanted thought, immediately replace it. The simplest replacement for an unwanted thought is its direct opposite, e.g. replace ‘I can’t’ with ‘I can.’ Say it as if you really mean it.

Another option is to use an affirmation. Either make one up on the spur of the moment or use a favourite one such as ‘I like myself’, ‘I am strong and worthy’ or ‘I am cool, calm, and in control’.

If at first you feel you’re lying to yourself, don’t worry. It doesn’t matter if your new thought isn’t literally true (yet). This method is just a tool to help you change your way of thinking.

Make it your motto never to say or think anything that you don’t want to be true! You will be directing your unconscious mind to create the situations and behaviours you want.

Step Four: Keep at it!

Persistence is the key to success. It takes about a month to change an old thinking pattern.

Don’t let others put you off. Most people are unaware of how powerful their negative thinking is. Nor do they realise they have it within their power to change.

You can’t change others’ thoughts – only they can do that. But you can enlist their support by explaining what you’re doing. If all else fails, you may have to minimise your contact with negative people until your new thinking habits are firmly established.

These Four Steps are very powerful: in fact, properly used they can even help overcome debilitating fears and phobias.

Can you think of any reason why you can’t start applying these Four Steps right away?

And remember – merely reading through these materials without putting them into practice is like reading the label on the bottle without taking the medicine!

 

©David Lawrence Preston, 5.3.2016

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The world is run by a family of giant lizards

As a child, my Methodist parents paid lip service to respecting others’ beliefs as long as they didn’t conflict with their own. I was to respect other people’s tastes, political opinions and allegiances, but they also warned me to be suspicious of the Catholic family living next door, the Spiritualists across the road, men with long hair, all foreigners and anyone wearing a turban!

But are we supposed to respect people who blow themselves up in crowded places taking dozens of innocent bystanders with them, or those who behead blameless people in the Syrian desert believing that they’ll be venerated as martyrs in the next life? Or even someone who dies when meddling with poisonous snakes in accordance with a nonsensical passage of scripture written 1,900 years ago.

Lizard

A few year ago author David Icke achieved notoriety for claiming – in all seriousness – that the world is run by a family of giant lizards who disguise themselves as humans, including both George Bushes, the Queen of England, Tony Blair and many leading industrialists. Mr Icke, who has sold shitloads of books around the world, vehemently defends this position. How much respect should we accord to this belief?

Similarly, there are people all over the world who believe that a man came back to life two thousand years ago after being nailed to a cross. He was last seen floating skyward on a cloud and will one day return to Earth and rescue us from our misery and sin.

JC

We consigned Odin, Jupiter, Zeus and Thor to mythology years ago – yet Elohim, YHWH, Jehovah, Abba – whatever you want to call it – is still venerated.

Religion and superstition are essentially the same. They are both types of belief. The only difference is that religion is taken seriously and has much higher status. People readily apply logic to most areas of their lives, but religion is not subjected to the same standards of proof as, say, science, mathematics and psychology.

 

©David Lawrence Preston, 30.8.2016

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Front cover 201 things

Balboa Press, 2015

Three Ways Not to Handle Emotions

People go to ridiculous lengths to suppress uncomfortable feelings – alcohol, smoking, drugs, gambling, overeating etc. These can work in the short-term, but are they wise?

Obviously there is nothing wrong with enjoying an occasional drink and so on, but if these tactics are used to mask or suppress painful emotions, you could be storing up trouble for yourself. Why? Because suppressed emotions often surface in other ways:

  • Lack of energy and motivation
  • Stress-related symptoms and illnesses, including violent behaviour or bad temper
  • Depression, anxiety, panic attacks, phobias of one sort or another, etc.
  • Relationship difficulties
  • In extreme cases, physical problems such as asthma, eczema, cancer or arthritis. There is plenty of well documented scientific research to validate this. Medical opinion is rapidly shifting to the view that many debilitating illnesses have emotional causes.

Here are three ways of handling uncomfortable emotions which at best reduce your enjoyment of life and at worst can be self-destructive:

  1. Avoidance

Avoidance means staying away from situations that you fear would make you uncomfortable, for instance:

  • Finding excuses for not going to a party if you’re shy.
  • Steering clear of intimate relationships.
  • Refusing to go for a promotion if you lack confidence (even if you’re capable of doing the job).
  • Dressing unimaginatively to avoid drawing attention to yourself.

Yes, avoidance dulls the current pain – but it also robs you of opportunities to experience the emotions you do want – fun, friendship, love, adventure, achievement, and so on. It also reinforces low self-esteem and can bring loneliness and frustration.

Ultimately, you can’t avoid feeling something. Fortunately, there’s a much better way – understanding your emotions so you can deal with life more effectively. If you want a fresh outcome, you must try a different approach. Even if it goes wrong, you’ve learned something valuable for the future.

  1. Denial

Denial is disassociating from your feelings. You tell yourself and others, ‘It doesn’t feel that bad’. But it does.

Denying an emotion is dangerous. Unless you deal with the root cause, you merely create more and more discomfort. An ignored emotion does not go away. It simply increases in intensity until you are compelled to pay attention, for instance, your partner walks out on you, you lose your job or a serious illness forces you to change.

If you use avoidance tactics, or are often tempted to do so, ask yourself:

  • Am I perceiving thing correctly?
  • What exactly am I trying to avoid?
  • Is the threat real or imagined?
  • What could I do to handle this better?
  • What could I learn from this that would help me?
  • Is there a better way of communicating my needs and wants to others?

Learning from your emotions is the crux of emotional intelligence, but some never learn. Just think: if the oil warning light on the dashboard of your car started flickering, would you pretend you hadn’t seen it or smash the bulb with a hammer? Of course not! You’d check the oil level. Otherwise you could be storing up trouble for yourself.

You can’t run away from emotions – if you think you can, you’re deluding yourself.

  1. Self-indulgence

Some people wallow in their emotions. They pride themselves on feeling worse off than everyone else. ‘You think you’ve got problems. Wait until you hear about mine!’

There are a number of possible reasons for this, but usually it’s an attempt to attract attention and sympathy or to manipulate others by attempting to place blame or make them feel indebted.

Emotional self-indulgence often backfires because the perpetrator can end up with an investment in feeling bad. It then becomes a rapidly descending spiral. Nor would you want to allow your emotional programming to ruin your life, when your emotions could be such a rich source of energy, purpose and enjoyment.

The secret is to treat every emotion as an opportunity for growth and learn from them. When you do this, the terms ‘positive’ and ‘negative’ emotions become irrelevant since you understand that all emotions are there for your benefit.

Emotionally intelligent means knowing what emotions you and others have, how strong they are, and what causes them. It’s about being honest about your feelings, asking for what you want and above all learning to express yourself from the heart.

 

©David Lawrence Preston, 4.7.2016

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How to Books, 2010