Tag Archives: coaching

Simplify your life for happiness

Posted on by David Lawrence Preston
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If you really want to be happy and less stressed, simplify your life. Reduce your dependence on possessions. Surround yourself only with things that meet your needs and delight you.

  • Give up the need to have more. ‘More’ is one of the mantras of the ego, which believes ‘I never have enough’ and ‘If I don’t get it I won’t be happy’.
  • Give up the desire for luxury.
  • Shun ostentation.
  • Choose simple tastes that place less strain on the environment.
  • Learn to use less expensive things in more creative ways.

This doesn’t mean you’ll be less prosperous. Truly prosperous people do not need to burden themselves with unnecessary personal possessions. They know instinctively that they will always have sufficient for their needs.

When you’re gripped by an impulse to acquire something new, ask yourself:

  • Do I really need this?
  • Why?
  • Will it bring me more ‘pleasure’ than ‘pain’?
  • Have I kidded myself I need it to be happy?

If you don’t need it, don’t buy it! Resist the persuasive skills of the marketing and advertising industries! Research has repeatedly shown that once we have enough to feed, clothe and house ourselves, each additional item makes little difference to our happiness and well-being.

Clear the clutter

Free yourself of unnecessary paraphernalia. Don’t hang onto things just on the off-chance that one day they may come in useful. This attitude is born out of fear that one day your needs won’t be met, which keeps you rooted in poverty consciousness.

If you don’t need it, get rid of it. If you haven’t worn something for a while, let it go. Recycle anything you can’t use or give it to charity. Clear out your drawers, cupboards, shelves and every nook and cranny, and once you’ve cleared a space, don’t refill it. A good clear-out leaves you feeling lighter and clears the channel of supply enabling you to receive more of what you really need and value.

‘Wealth beyond what is natural is of no more use than an overflowing container.’

Epicurus

©David Lawrence Preston, 5.6.2017

Follow me on Facebook and Twitter @David_L_Preston

How to Books, 2007

Buddhist Economics and Good Work

Posted on by David Lawrence Preston
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One of the greatest statements on living simply is to be found in E. F. Schumacher’s book, ‘Small Is Beautiful: A Study of Economics As If People Mattered’.

One chapter, ‘Buddhist Economics,’ points out that consumption is not the purpose of life but merely a means to an end. Our aim, he argued, ‘should be to obtain the maximum well-being with the minimum of consumption.’

Using clothing as an example, he suggested that the most economically efficient approach would be to provide warmth, comfort and an attractive appearance for everyone, with the least amount of effort and minimum destruction of natural resources. Collecting a wardrobe full of clothes we hardly ever wear simply doesn’t make sense. We could toil less and have more time for other pursuits. This would also put less pressure on the environment.

When we go for maximum well-being with minimum consumption, we help to make the world a kinder, gentler place, and it doesn’t mean depriving ourselves because we’re gaining much more than we lose, including time for ourselves and our loved ones.

Good work

Another E.F. Schumacher book, ‘Good Work,’ spells out the two main purposes of work – to provide for our needs and, just as importantly, to express our gifts and powers. This is equally important because if we work only for money, we never be prosperous regardless of what we earn.

If your work is unfulfilling, change it. Find work that you enjoy, uses your talents and allows you to make your best contribution. When you do what you love and put your heart and soul into it, providing it benefits others and not just yourself you will be taken care of according to Spiritual Law.

 

©David Lawrence Preston, 1.2.2017

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How to Books, 2007

 

‘I’ll try’ or ‘I don’t want to’?

Posted on by David Lawrence Preston
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‘I’ll try’ implies ‘I don’t want to’. How often have you asked (or invited) someone to do something and they’ve said ‘I’ll try’, only to let you down?

‘I’ll try to do it today.’ ‘I’ll try to make it to the meeting.’ ‘I’ll try to help.’ How many people have been disappointed by ‘I’ll try’, thinking they’ve been given a promise?

People say they’ll try if they don’t want to, don’t think they can, haven’t really got time, or have no intention of following through.

Assertive people don’t say ‘I’ll try’ when they mean ‘I won’t’ or ‘I don’t want to’. It’s a feeble cop-out.  Far better to say, ‘I’m sorry, I can’t, I don’t want to or ‘It’s not convenient’ and say why (even if you have to soften it a little).

Beware: ‘I’ll try’ implies failure and deceit. It is deceptive and defeatist.  When someone tells you they’ll ‘try’, realise that it could be an excuse and don’t be too disappointed if you’re let down.  

©Feelinggoodallthetime

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How to Books, 2010

 

 

 

 

Emotional Intelligence

Posted on by David Lawrence Preston
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‘Being emotionally intelligent means that you know what emotions you and others have, how strong they are, and what causes them. ‘Coming out’ emotionally is about being honest about your feelings, asking for what you want and above all learning to express yourself from the heart.’

Dr Claude Steiner

Two or three decades ago, it was widely believed that success in life was largely down to intellect. Psychologists devoted a great deal of effort to measure this, producing psychometric tests galore for measuring IQ (Intelligence Quotient). Then in the early 1990s, Daniel Goleman wrote a bestselling book that argued that the most successful people are not those with high intellect, but those who have EI – Emotional Intelligence.

He identified the five ‘domains’ of EQ as:

  1. Knowing your emotions.
  2. Managing your own emotions.
  3. Motivating yourself.
  4. Recognising and understanding other people’s emotions.
  5. Managing relationships, i.e., managing the emotions of others.

Emotions are problematic for many people. Humans are naturally more inclined to act emotionally than ‘logically’, but badly handled, they can cause no end of difficulties. People who are lacking in ’emotional intelligence’ – i.e. the ability to relate to and handle emotions (theirs and other people’s) – find most areas of life a struggle and have difficulty enjoying life to the full. And there is incontrovertible evidence that emotional disorders are responsible for most illness and that happy, positive people who acknowledge and express their emotions freely enjoy better than average health.

Emotions have a purpose

Emotions attempt to steer us towards what seems comfortable and away from anything which seems uncomfortable. That’s their job. But they are not always grounded in ‘reality’. They are born out of our perceptions of what is pleasurable and what could cause discomfort or pain. But what happens if our perceptions are misguided? For example, say you are facing a difficult situation, such as a job interview or examination. Your stomach is churning. You want to ‘bottle out’. If you do, you’ll avoid the uncomfortable feelings, but you may also be missing out on a golden opportunity. What should you do?

If the opportunity is attractive enough, you go ahead anyway, ignoring the feelings. You know the benefits will outweigh the dis-benefits in the longer term. If you went with your feelings, you would be the loser. There are times when it’s best to ‘feel the fear and do it anyway!’

Just because something feels wrong, it doesn’t necessarily follow that it is wrong. Similarly, just because something feels right, it doesn’t automatically follow that it is right.

Ignoring or suppressing emotions is dangerous. Discounting feelings in the short term in order to deal with a current situation is one thing, but ignoring or suppressing in the long term them is extremely dangerou and can result in serious physical and psychological illness. Good health demands facing up to uncomfortable or painful emotions, recognising them, working them through and resolving them.

Empathy versus sympathy

The ability to empathise with others is a vital skill for success and happiness. But empathy is not the same as sympathy. Empathy is the ability to see the other’s world as he or she sees it while remaining emotionally detached. Sympathy is feeling sorry for the person, and runs the danger of being sucked in and emotionally involved.  Nobody helps another by taking on their emotional ‘stuff’, any more than you can help a person escape from a deep well by jumping in with them!

Know yourself

You cannot always prevent yourself from feeling an emotion, since you are human! But you can and must learn how to manage your emotions, and become ‘emotionally intelligent’. Self awareness is the first step.

Emotional Intelligence is a huge subject. But remember – EI (Emotional Intelligence) is much less fixed than IQ. It can develop over time and responds to research, training, coaching and feedback.

©Feeling Good All the Time, 11.5.2017

Follow us on Facebook and Twitter, @Feelinggoodatt

How to Books, 2010

 

Is it unspiritual to be poor?

Posted on by David Lawrence Preston
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Some religious people and theologians believe that it is unspiritual to be poor. They argue that poor people are unaware of the spiritual principles by which our wants and needs are satisfied. Wealth, they say, is a cosmic ‘thank you’ for our contribution to the world. If we have plenty, it’s because we give plenty. If not, it’s because we don’t give enough.

What nonsense! Do cosmic ‘thank you’s’ only come in material form? Does every wealthy person offer above average service to humanity?

What about those who inherit wealth, hoard it, or make their money by trading arms, child pornography, tobacco products, illegal drugs or people trafficking and so on? What about those whose businesses or investments pollute the oceans or destroy the rain forests? And isn’t this insulting to the millions who work hard to provide for themselves and their families without ever becoming rich, many of whom are far more spiritually attuned than the mega-rich?

Spirituality and wealth are not related. You can be poor and unspiritual or rich and unspiritual; you can be rich and spiritual or poor and spiritual. What matters is the consciousness with which you approach life.

However, spirituality and prosperity are related. Spiritually aware people manifest what they need, use it wisely, share it with others and feel good about what they do. That should be your aim too. Enjoy what life has to offer, but don’t get so caught up in worldly matters that you lose sight of the bigger picture.

Do you have to be poor to be spiritual?

Most of the great spiritual teachers (including Yeshua of Nazareth, Prophet Mohamed and the Buddha) had few possessions. Some gave up great wealth to spread their teachings.

So do you have to live in poverty to be spiritual? Not at all. There is nothing inherently spiritual about living on the bread line. Even the Buddha, who turned his back on inherited wealth to live as a humble monk, taught that it is not necessary to deprive ourselves. It is selfishness and greed – not material sufficiency or comfort – that clash with spiritual values.

 

©David Lawrence Preston, 7.2.2017

Follow me on Facebook and Twitter @David_L_Preston

How to Books, 2007

Everything material is impermanent

Posted on by David Lawrence Preston
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Every material thing you have will one day cease to exist in its present form. Even your body will return to the dust from which it was made.

The consequence is clear: if you chase after possessions, hoard them and rely on them for security, you make yourself a slave to things that inexorably deteriorate. They are not a stable basis on which to build your happiness.

People who are highly acquisitive are often too busy or stressed to enjoy life. Think of the effort and expenditure to which some go to ensure that they are up to date with the latest fashion trends so they can win the admiration of others similarly inclined – and yet in a very short time, the items on which they relied for their feelings of pleasure lose their appeal.

Wouldn’t it be better to attend to something that brings lasting benefit – the qualities of consciousness that bring lasting security, happiness, love and peace of mind?

©David Lawrence Preston, 2.2.2017

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How to Books, 2007

 

The Joy of Simplicity

Posted on by David Lawrence Preston
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‘There’s only one reason why you’re not experiencing bliss at this present moment and it’s because you’re thinking or focussing on what you don’t have.’

Anthony de Mello

There’s a paradox in matters of prosperity and spirituality. We live in an abundant universe and yet most of the great spiritual teachers were exponents of the simple life, shunning wealth and status. Do we have to deprive ourselves to get in touch with our spirituality?

Absolutely not! But there is a balance to be achieved between seeking material possessions and pursuing spiritual goals. Modern life appears complex and busy, but our needs are really very simple.

Socrates, a leading proponent of the simple life, loved going to the market in Athens. When asked about this, he replied, ‘I love to go and see all the things I’m happy without.’

Once we have a steady supply of the essentials, a little for pleasure and some put aside for a rainy day, extra money and belongings make very little difference to our happiness.

When we live simply we discover, like Socrates, that there are pleasures that do not depend on possessions and countless things we’re content to live without.

‘It’s the preoccupation with possessions more than any other things that keeps us from living freely and nobly.’

Professor Bertrand Russell

 

©David Lawrence Preston, 2.2.2017

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How to Books, 2007

 

Life and Death

Posted on by David Lawrence Preston
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Death is the last taboo – nothing concentrates the mind quite so much. We cannot have lasting peace of mind until we have come to terms with it. Who has not at some time wondered what, if anything, happens after death?

The truth is, we can never be sure. But our attitude to death impacts on our attitude to life. If we believe that death is final, why bother with matters of the spirit? Why not just get what we want and let someone else deal with the consequences?

If we believe that life goes on beyond the grave and we have to answer for our actions either to a Higher Power who can consign us to a heaven or hell or by coming back into human form and making amends, that puts an entirely different slant on the matter!

Death is an inevitable aspect of life

A woman whose young son had died was inconsolable. She visited all the doctors in the area to find out how the child’s life could be restored. Finally she sought the help of the Buddha. She asked him to help bring her son back to life and ease the terrible pain in her heart.

The Buddha told her that he would revive her son if she could bring him a mustard seed from a household in which no-one had ever died. The woman set out to find such a household. She visited one house after another, yet at every door received the same reply – at various times, members of the household had passed away.

She returned to the Buddha in a more realistic frame of mind. She had learned that death is an inevitable fact of life. We are all going to die one day. What matters, like so many things, is not what happens, but our attitude towards it.

Life and death are partners

We tend to see life as good and death as a bad thing, but this is untrue. Life and death co-exist. Death happens all the time while life continues.

Birth is the process by which a fragment of universal consciousness takes form as an individual being, but it is not the beginning. Neither is conception. We start out as ideas in the quantum energy field even before we become particles and long before we are born into the world. Hence birth is part of the transition from invisible substance into visible form.

Death is the transition back to the energy field. The Life Force leaves the body and is reabsorbed, mental activity ceases and the body disintegrates and returns to dust. Hence life and death are not opposites but partners in the great scheme of things.

‘Birth and death are of equal significance. They should concern you no more than going to sleep every night and waking up every morning. As you go to sleep, you die. As you wake up, you are born.’

 Ramala

©David Lawrence Preston, 24.1.2017

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How to Books, 2007

 

 

 

Raise your sights to a higher way of being

Posted on by David Lawrence Preston
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One of the visitor attractions in the holiday town where I live is a balloon tethered to a 500 metre cable. Patrons enjoy a stunning panorama which extends for over twenty miles.

Imagine a balloon flight: the higher you rise, the further you see. Features on the ground, including all the things you fret and worry over, get smaller and lose their detail. If the balloon could rise even higher, they would disappear almost completely. Similarly, when you seek happiness and security in a higher way of thinking, your anxieties seem less significant.

How do you attain a higher way of thinking? The way is represented by the letters I-T-I-A.

  • Intention: Aspire to your highest potential. Direct your will. Keep your intentions pure and everything is achievable. The more you stay focussed, the more certain it is.
  • Think: Shake off the thinking patterns and beliefs that have constrained you, raise your thoughts to the underlying Intelligence that governs the universe and all our lives.
  • Imagine: Imagine yourself charged with spiritual energy, like a giant rechargeable battery absorbing power from the source as effortlessly as breathing. Imagine yourself putting it to good use in the service of your fellow beings.
  • Action: Be the master of your actions, making wise choices guided by your intuition. Act as if source energy is flowing through you and have faith in all that is good. When this becomes your natural way of being, your Inner Power is truly awakened.

Persevere

When you decide to change, you’ll come up against mental inertia – warring thoughts in your mind. Ignore them. There will probably be times when you feel tempted to go back to your old ways.

A friend recently said to me, ‘Yours are lovely values to have, but you can’t live that way.’ Why not? Did she mean that spiritual ideals somehow interfere with other priorities, such as the scramble for status and material success? Greed, envy and selfishness are all too common in today’s world: you don’t have to be a part of it.

No words can express how you feel once you have awakened the infinite power within you. All along your Inner Power had been lying dormant, and you didn’t realise it. But now you do. To quote Kahlil Gibran, ‘You are greater than you know, and all is well.’

‘Whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be; and whatever your labours and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace within your soul.’

From ‘Desiderata’ Max Ehrman

 

©David Lawrence Preston, 23.1.2017

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How to Books, 2007

 

 

 

Attune yourself to Creative Intelligence by taking some quiet time for yourself each day

Posted on by David Lawrence Preston
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Creative Intelligence is the invisible energy that governs the universe; the Life-Force which suffuses everything and connects us to each other. It’s not a fanciful idea – it has a firm scientific basis.

Mahatma Gandhi described it like this:

‘Whilst everything around me is ever-changing, ever-dying, there is underlying all that changes a living power that is changeless, that holds all together, that creates, dissolves and re-creates.’

Be quiet and still, then you can feel it pulsating in every part of your being.

A student once asked the teacher, ‘How can I find G_d?’ The teacher answered, ‘How does a fish find the ocean?’

You are living in an ocean of consciousness. It is around you and in every atom of your body. Love, peace and happiness are not to be found in faraway places or unusual states of consciousness, but here, right now, when you look within.

Have some quiet time to yourself each day. Make it a priority. Reflect on spiritual ideas and meditate on the source of your inner power.

As your inner power grows, people will comment, ‘I want what you have. Can you show me how to get it?’ Tell them what you have learned. Share your experiences in a spirit of love and with humility. Explain to them that they already have what they seek and encourage them to develop a quiet, calm mind. Then they will discover it for themselves.

 

©David Lawrence Preston, 23.1.2017

Follow me on Facebook and Twitter @David_L_Preston

How to Books, 2007