Tag: assertiveness
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‘I’ll try’ or ‘I don’t want to’?
‘I’ll try’ implies ‘I don’t want to’. How often have you asked (or invited) someone to do something and they’ve said ‘I’ll try’, only to let you down? ‘I’ll try to do it today.’ ‘I’ll try to make it to the meeting.’ ‘I’ll try to help.’ How many people have been disappointed by ‘I’ll try’,…
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Give up approval-seeking behaviour
It’s perfectly natural to want to be liked and accepted, but it becomes a problem if you constantly edit yourself to win others’ approval. Approval-seeking behaviour has some short-term benefits (e.g. it can help avoid arguments), but has long-term consequences. You are unlikely to feel good about yourself if you continually pander to others. Concern…
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Negotiate to Win-Win
Negotiation is not just a business activity – it’s part of everyday life. Many people dread it. They fear they’ll be outsmarted. For most, it’s simply a question of calmness and confidence. There’s no need to be apprehensive if you follow a few simple guidelines and of course, the more you practise, the better you…
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How to resolve everyday conflicts
The challenge with everyday conflict is not to avoid it (which is almost impossible) but to settle it quickly, learn from it and move on. The fact is, everyone knows how to upset their nearest and dearest because they have inadvertently taught each other over time what hurts the most. Conflict is best resolved by:…
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Receiving criticism
Constructive criticism given by someone who is genuinely concerned for you can be very valuable. When someone criticizes you, before you respond consider: Where are they coming from? Are they really concerned for my welfare or projecting their own issues onto me? People who constantly criticize others are usually critical of themselves. They project these…
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Giving Criticism
Everyone is criticized from time to time, and there are times when we feel the need to criticize. This can be an uncomfortable experience for both giver and receiver, and if handled badly it can destroy a relationship. Our response to criticism is heavily influenced by our self-esteem and our experiences as children. Critical parents…
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A comment on assertiveness
I know from personal experience that when you first become more assertive, your closest friends, family and colleagues may have problems adjusting to your new behaviour. They may even feel threatened by it. Of course, you don’t want to be knocked back to where you were, and why should you? Just be sensitive to their…
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Handling Confrontation
Most people dislike confrontation, but if you have confidence in yourself and know how to diffuse aggression you need not be unduly worried by it. Try the following: Empathic statements Stay calm, listen attentively and show that you recognise how the other person feels by acknowledging their feelings. This often diffuses a situation when tempers…
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How to be more assertive
Even if you’ve never considered yourself a particularly assertive person, mastering a few basic techniques can help you to develop this essential skill. Start with small steps and stretch yourself a little more each day as your confidence grows. The basic rules are: Choose your outcomes. Decide what you want after consider the consequences. Adopt…
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Assertiveness is self-empowerment in action
‘This above all: to thine own self be true And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.’ William Shakespeare Your personal power is expressed primarily in your interactions with others. Remember, you always have the right to: Express your feelings (but you must decide when…