Finding purpose and meaning in your life

There is ultimately only one route to success that brings true happiness: find a purpose that excites you and pursue it, using your talents and potential to the full.

In her book, ‘The Fourth Instinct’, Arianna Huffington writes:

‘Give a gibbon a mate, a peaceful stretch of jungle and plenty of figs to munch on, and he will most likely live in contentment for the rest of his days. Give a man or woman an environment correspondingly idyllic – say, a successful career, adorable children and all the comforts civilisation has to offer – and we feel dissatisfied, restless and vaguely aware that there is something very important missing from our lives.’

Similarly, Dr Carl Gustav Jung, the influential psychotherapist, wrote, ‘About a third of my cases are not suffering from any clinically definable neurosis, but from the senselessness and aimlessness of their lives.’

Fully functioning individuals have found something that brings purpose and meaning, which inspires them and gives direction to their lives.

You came into the world to accomplish something worthy of you – not small or insignificant – and make a contribution to life on this planet. If you’re not yet aware of your life purpose or ‘mission’ it’s not because you don’t have one. It’s because it’s lying dormant somewhere within your consciousness, waiting to be discovered. So find out what you came here to do. And do it!

This is not an intellectual process; you can’t usually analyse it or think it through logically – you need to get in touch with your intuitive inner self.

Be clear on your true values

Before you can really know what your purpose is, you must have a solid sense of what is really important to you – your values. Your life goals must be in complete harmony with your values.

George Gershwin once approached Maurice Ravel, creator of the famous ‘Bolero’, for instruction in orchestral scoring. After several lessons, Ravel was exasperated. His student hadn’t even grasped the basics. ‘If I were you,’ he advised, ‘I would be happier to be a first rate Gershwin, rather than a second rate Ravel.’

The same applies to you. Be a first-rate you, not a second-rate someone else!  Honour your talents and live your values. You may think you do already – but are you clear on what your values actually are?

Our values are often shaped haphazardly. As children, we initially adopt our parents’ values, then, as we grow, we modify them. The following  method will help you decide which values are most important you.

Take a pen and notepad and write down:

1. What do you stand for? What would you defend with your life if necessary?

2. What do you enjoy? What really turns you on? What turns you off altogether?

3. If you could only improve one area of your life, what would it be?

4. What for you would make the world a better place? A worse place? And what, if anything, are you prepared to do about it?

Now take this opportunity to think about your values by ticking one box per row in the table below:

 

 

How important to you is/are your:

 

 

Crucial

 

Important

 

 

Quite important

 

Not very important

 

Totally unimportant

 

 Health and physical appearance?
       
 Having lots of money?
         
 An enjoyable career?
         
 A good social life?
         
 Family life?
         
 Leisure activities and hobbies?
         
 Fun
         
 Personal development?
         
 Spiritual growth?
         
 Happiness?
         
 Security?
         
 Independence?
         
 Acknowledgement by others?
         
 Your environment?
         

 

Now – do you feel you’ve been paying too little attention to some of your most cherished values? Have you, for instance, been giving your children too little time, or ignoring your health, or worrying too much about what other people think or having fun. If changes are required, make a note of them. It’s time to do something about it!

 

©David Lawrence Preston, 27.5.2016

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Plug Into the Power of Patience and Persistence

‘Thousands of people have talent. I might as well congratulate you for having eyes in your head. The one and only thing that counts is, do you have staying power?’

Noel Coward

Whatever your talents, interests and ambitions, there is no substitute for the twin qualities of patience and persistence. History is awash with people who gave up when just a little more effort could have brought success.

There are also countless examples of courageous and far-sighted individuals who persisted against the odds. One was Charles Darrow. When he sent his idea for a new board game to Parker Brothers, they turned it down. They gave 52 reasons why the game would never sell. Nobody, they said, would be interested in a game about property trading. Darrow was persistent and eventually his invention, Monopoly, became the best selling game of all time.

In a famous passage in his book, ‘Think and Grow Rich,’ Dr Napolean Hill wrote that ‘Persistence is to success what carbon is to steel.’

There is a Japanese saying, ‘Fall down seven times, stand up eight.’ Do you have the strength and determination to get up each time you fall? Do you look upon problems as challenges to be faced and overcome?

Lasting results take time, especially if the goal is a challenging one. The creative process is like gardening: take care of the sowing, have faith in yourself and the process of life, and let nature do its work. Often you don’t know how well it’s going until weeks or months later. You can’t keep pulling a young plant up by the roots to check whether it’s still growing!

Once you’ve planted the seeds, there will be times when you’ll have to work hard, and times when it is better to sit back, observe and be patient. Simply do your best each day.

Stay open to new possibilities

Stay open to all possibilities. You may want things to happen in a certain way, but that may not be the best option for you. Keep an open mind – you never know what new opportunities will come your way.

Don’t limit yourself. Keep affirming and ‘visualising’ your future success and happiness, take consistent, steady action and allow the process to unfold.

‘When riches begin to come, they come so quickly, in such great abundance, that one wonders where they have been hiding during all those lean years.’ (Napolean Hill).

You may far exceed your expectations. So what if you don’t succeed first time? The obstacles don’t grow any bigger – but you do!

©David Lawrence Preston, 24.5.2016

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How to find your life’s purpose

You are a unique gift to the world, so how are you going to make this gift as valuable as it can be?

Start by clarifying your life purpose. What’s your vision of the world and your part in it? What’s the Big Idea in your life, the theme that holds it all together?

We are all aware of our purpose at some level, although it may be hidden in the subconscious waiting to be discovered. Look within. The biggest clues are your talents and your interests. If you are not clear about what these are, there’s a third clue – what you were good at and most enjoyed as a child.

Let’s look at each of these in detail.

What are your talents?

You are endowed with certain talents. How are you going to make the most of them? Ask yourself:

  • What am I good at?
  • What do I do better than most of the people I know?
  • What do others most appreciate about me?

For example, are you a good communicator, a person who can bring peace to those around you? Do you get on well with the young, the elderly or the sick? Are you musical, sporting or artistic? Good with numbers? Are you strong and able to do physically demanding work? Are good at making or repairing things with your hands, taking them apart and making them work better? Do you have ‘green fingers’, and so on?

Don’t withhold your talents. Share them gladly and be grateful for the opportunity to make a contribution your own way.

Does your work express your life purpose?

 Most of us spend a significant proportion of our time at work. Does your work express your values and life purpose?

  • Do you love your work? Does it energise you?
  • Do work and leisure feel the same to you?
  • At times when you feel discouraged about a particular aspect of your work, do you still maintain a deep feeling that what you’re doing is ‘right’?
  • Is there something you’d rather be doing?

What do these answers tell you?

What are you enthusiastic about?

Your purpose will almost certainly have something to do with what you enjoy.

Is it practical to follow your bliss? Absolutely! You make your greatest contribution when you live authentically and put your heart and soul into what you’re doing.

What do you enjoy? Make a list, and then ask yourself:

  • What proportion of my time do I spend doing things I enjoy?
  • How could I do more of what I enjoy?
  • How could I increase the enjoyment I get from what I currently do?

What did you enjoy as a child?

What did you enjoy when you were young, before pressure was put on you to choose a career and making a living became imperative? This is a potent question. Children are more closely in touch with their natural selves. Their intellects have not yet developed to the point where they interfere with their intuitive guidance.

If you’re not sure, ask people who knew you as a child or look through old  diaries and photo albums.

If this doesn’t work, take time to sit or lie down comfortably, breathe deeply, close your eyes and relax. Imagine you are drifting back in time. ‘See’ yourself as a child in your imagination and silently ask your inner self, ‘Who am I, and what do I enjoy? Ask slowly, concentrate and be patient. You may need to do this several times before the answers come.

When you have some answers, ask yourself, ‘Am I currently doing these in my daily life?’ This can be very revealing.

The clearer your vision, the less you have to struggle

Spend time exploring how you would like your life to be. Let a vision form of how you wish to live and what you want to achieve. The truer you are to your purpose and values, the happier and more productive you become, and the more open you are to receive the love, wisdom and other great blessings that are your birthright.

You also find that you have less of a struggle making the right things happen, and coincidentally, more happens around you to support you.

©David Lawrence Preston, 14.5.2016

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Napolean Hill’s 12 Things That Make People Rich

I’m a huge admirer of Dr Napolean Hill, author of ‘Think and Grow Rich’ and ‘Success Through a Positive Mental Attitude’ and other titles in the 1930s, 40s and 50s. The principles he identified are as relevant today as ever. Every great achiever has applied them, consciously or unconsciously, in many areas of activity, not just business.

I didn’t always feel this way. When I first encountered ‘Think and Grow Rich’ at a student seminar in the 1980s, I thought this was just another work extolling greed as a virtue at whatever cost (we had a British Prime Minister in those days who did just that). It is far from that. Certainly he based his findings on a study of America’s  richest men and gave many examples of men (and yes, in ‘Think and Grow Rich’ it was always men) who made a great deal of money. But he also pointed out the consequences of mishandling it.

Of course some of the examples he used are of their time and conjure up an image of the American sales rep in old black and white movies trudging from door to door in pursuit of his next sale. But life moves on, and timeless principles remain timeless.

When you read carefully, listen to his sound recordings and watch many of the clips of him on YouTube, you quickly realise that Napolean Hill’s definition of ‘riches’ went far beyond the pecuniary kind.

Here’s Napolean Hill’s list of 12 things that make us ‘rich’ in the broadest and most meaningful sense of the term:

1. A positive mental attitude

There’s just no getting away from this, it’s the key to all health, happiness and success, and it can be acquired through proper self-training.

2. Sound physical health

Worth some effort (good diet, exercise, relaxation etc.) don’t you think? It’s hard to feel good if your health is poor.

3. Harmony in human relations

Few people enjoy a happy life if they don’t get on with others and, again, most of the skills required can be learned and practised.

4. Freedom from fear

Fear is the great restrainer and demotivator, and at the root of all negative emotions.

5. The hope of future achievement

We live in the ‘now’, spurred on by the hope that our efforts will come to fruition if we persevere.

6. The capacity for applied faith

‘Faith’ in this context does not mean religious faith, but an ongoing sense of trust that if we apply the principles diligently our efforts will be rewarded.

7. Willingness to share one’s blessings with others

The Law of Attraction dictates that when we act from a consciousness of selfishness we attract the consequences of selfishness (our own and other people’s); and when we share what we have with no thought of return, others share with us too.

8. To be engaged in a labour of love

Like writing these blogs, for instance.

9. An open mind on all subjects towards all people

This requires non-judgement of others, empathy and a willingness to listen, all skills that can be developed.

10. Complete self-discipline

I suspect this is where most of us fall down. Self-discipline demand commitment, delayed gratification and good habits of thought, word and action.

11. Wisdom with which to understand people

Wisdom requires much more than knowledge, it is discernment, and comes mainly with experience and knowledge intelligently applied.

12. Financial security

Financial security is an attitude of mind – that we have enough for our needs, enough to treat ourselves, plus a little extra for a rainy day. Contrary to the popular impression, Napolean Hill listed financial security at no. 12, because it is not so much the aim but the consequence of the other eleven.

So there we have it, not so much a formula for riches, but for happiness, peace of mind and contentment.

Why not go through this list and honestly appraise your current state of being against each criterion? Then consider what you can do to improve (or rectify) any of the criteria where you feel lacking. You’ll find it very instructive.

 

©David Lawrence Preston, 9.5.2016

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How your imagination can give you a lift

The poet, John Masefield, wrote, ‘Man’s body is faulty, his mind untrustworthy, but his imagination has made him remarkable.’

Albert Einstein, one of the geniuses of the 20th Century, said, ‘Imagination is more important than knowledge. It is a preview of life’s coming attractions.’

When asked where he got ideas for his paintings, Vincent Van Gogh replied, ‘First I dream my painting, then I paint my dream.’

This is how life is too. We imagine how are lives will be, then busily set about living as our imagination dictates. We create an image of ourselves, and become the image we have created.

What is ‘imagination’?

Imagination is bringing to mind something that is not wholly present in a material sense. It the very essence of our creativity. A good imagination is not just the preserve of children and artists – it is part of everyone’s mental equipment.

There are two forms of imagination:

  • Artificial imagination rearranges old ideas, concepts or plans into new combinations. We can bring past events and experiences into the imagination.
  • Creative imagination is the means by which new ideas, hunches and inspirations are received. We can imagine future events and experiences. We can imagine things that never existed. We can imagine the likely consequences of our actions. We can also imagine things we cannot detect through our senses – Beethoven for instance, could imagine musical sounds after he went deaf.

Everything we do starts out as a thought or picture in our mind. Indeed, everything that has ever been created by a human being originated as a thought or mental image. Stonehenge, television, the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, Great Wall of China, the internet, Apollo moon landings….. all started out as ideas. Any idea, even the briefest flash of insight, that is acted upon with ingenuity and determination eventually takes a tangible form.

The imagination develops and strengthens with use, just as any muscle of the body can become stronger. It can bring hope – or utter despair. It can also stimulate the emotions and affect the physical body.  So begin applying your imagination to:

  •  Your home – how might you improve the inside, the outside, the garden, make it more interesting, comfortable, pleasing?
  • Your work – how could you make it more fun, more useful, more productive?
  • Relationships: How could you be a better husband/wife/son/daughter/ parent/friend etc.?
  • Your personality – how could you overcome unwanted habits and bring your ideal self-image into reality?

Imagination in practice

Nowadays:

  • Sportsmen and women use their imaginations (in the form of creative imagery) to help them win matches and break world records.
  • Business executives use it to help secure lucrative contracts, make better sales presentations and earn promotion.
  • Medical practitioners (complementary therapists and mainstream practitioners) teach patients to rid themselves of serious diseases using relaxation and creative imagery.
  • Well-known entertainers use creative imagery to improve their confidence and banish stage fright.
  • Students learn better using creative imagery and autosuggestion, improve their memories and reduce the stress of exams.

Let’s take a look at some of the achievements made possible by these remarkable techniques.

Sport

When the Berlin Wall fell, it came to light that among the most jealously guarded secrets of the East German State were the training methods used by Eastern bloc athletes. Performance enhancing drugs were not the whole story by any means. A Bulgarian psychiatrist, Dr Georgi Lozonov, pioneered a new method of mental training that incorporated deep relaxation and creative imagery. In the West, experiments had demonstrated the power of visualisation and mental rehearsal in sport, but they had not been as widely or thoroughly applied.

It is now accepted that if you imprint winning images into your mind at a deep enough level, you greatly increase your chances of success.

Any professional athlete will tell you that mental training is equally as important as the physical, but the benefits are not restricted to professionals – they’re available to everyone (including those who rarely break into a sweat).

Business

Prior to important sales calls, negotiations, job interviews and presentations etc., many top business executives ‘mentally rehearse’.  They take time to relax, ‘see’ themselves acting and speaking calmly and confidently, signing the contract, accepting the promotion. By the time they come to do it for real, the situation holds no fear for them and they perform at their best.

Education

Students use deep relaxation and creative imagery to improve their memory, lose their fear of exams and stay calm. For instance, Steve was worried about his exams. With less than a month to go and a university place at stake, he prepared a précis of the information he would need in the exam. He recorded it onto a CD and listened to it in ‘Alpha’ several times a day. He visualised himself in the exam room, feeling calm. He used the ‘thumb and fingers trigger’ to help him feel cool and composed quickly and easily and used a powerful memory affirmation.

Steve comfortably achieved his grades. ‘I thought I’d cheated the system,’ he said, ‘until I realised I’d just discovered a way to make my mind work better – and surely that’s what it’s all about.’

Healing

Creative imagery is a vital tool for practitioners of complementary therapies and also mainstream medicine to help patients maintain good health and recover from serious diseases, including cancer, arthritis and heart disease.

Cancer surgeons and authors Dr Carl Simonton and Dr Bernie Segal taught their patients to visualise tumours reversing and cancer disappearing. The heart specialist Dr Dean Ornish used creative imagery in conjunction with nutrition, physical exercise and group therapy to clear coronary heart blockages. All three have written extensively about their work.

I have known people with physical conditions such as Irritable Bowel Syndrome, muscular aches and pains, frozen shoulders, eczema and psychosomatic conditions as varied as blushing, exam nerves, fear of flying, bed wetting and numerous phobias find relief this way.

Entertainment

Actors, musicians, comedians etc. use mental rehearsal to perfect their routines. It is also widely taught to aspiring stars of stage and screen.

A young music student consulted me about stage fright a few years ago. She was taking beta blockers to try and calm her nerves, but they weren’t having much effect. I advised her to do a daily relaxation and visualisation exercise. Within six weeks of daily practice, most of the symptoms were gone and she was able to come off the drugs. Three months later she played the solo part in a difficult Mozart Concerto in front of a large audience.

Summary

There are thousands of well documented examples of creative imagery making a huge impact on performance in all areas of life. The techniques are not difficult to learn (I’ll spell them out in future blogs), but need to be practised regularly, then you can use mental rehearsal as a vital part of your preparation whatever your activities or interests.

©David Lawrence Preston, 6.5.2016

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Positive Attitudes

‘The longer I live, the more I realise the impact of attitude on life.

Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, then what other people think, say or do.

The remarkable thing is, we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.

I am convinced that life is ten percent what happens to me and ninety percent how I react to it. And so it is with you. We are in charge of our attitudes!’

Charles Swindoll

Attitude matters more than facts, circumstances and what others say or do, and it’s something we choose for ourselves every day.

Once you get into the habit, being positive becomes a way of life. It shows in the way you talk, walk (have you ever seen a positive person walk staring at the ground with hunched shoulders?), what you say, the way you say it, how you feel, the way you are and the way others see you. It helps you to be happier and more successful at everything you do.

It not only improves your life in the short-term, it could even enable you to live a healthier, longer life. Thoughts of hopelessness and helplessness actually weaken the body’s natural defences, the nervous and immune systems.

People with positive attitudes also seek out the good in others, have the courage to try out new ideas, and settle only for the best. For them, anything is possible, and ‘I can’, ‘I choose’, ‘I decide’ and ‘I will’ are their watchwords.

So from now on, make it your motto never to say anything, either to yourself or out loud, that you don’t genuinely want to be true!

Never say you can’t do something – instead say you could if you wanted, or you haven’t learned yet, or haven’t practised enough, or are still working on it. Transform, ‘There’s nothing I can do’ into ‘Let’s look at the alternatives’.

But remember, positive attitudes are not always acquired naturally, especially if you grew up surrounded by negative people; they have to be carefully nurtured until they take root in your unconscious. Then they blossom – and so does your life.

Real positive thinking

There are many misconceptions about positive thinking. Positive thinkers are often regarded as idealistic, naïve and even out of touch with reality. But that’s not what it’s about. Obviously, you don’t solve problems by pretending they don’t exist. If water is pouring through the ceiling, it is pointless to tell yourself ‘There is no leak, everything is dry ‘ and do nothing about it. You’d probably be swept away in the flood.

Real positive thinking is different. You stay calm and tell yourself you can handle it.’ Then you take action. You find out where the water is coming from, turn off the supply and place a bucket under the leak. Then you mop up and call a plumber.

Your aim is not to hide from reality, nor trying to run away from problems by denying their existence. Even if you don’t have all the skills you need at present, you can learn. Very little is beyond your capabilities: there are just some things you haven’t yet learned.

Positive thinking leads to good feelings, self-belief and positive action. And that’s the point.

©David Lawrence Preston, 6.4.2016

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What You Must Do To Succeed

The tools for transforming your life are:

I – Intention

T – Thought.

I – Imagination.

A – Action.

Intention sets your course; thinking and imagination bring your mind into line with your ambitions; and action makes your goals reality.

The points below are in no particular order of priority – they’re all important.

  1. Keep your goals very clearly etched in your mind. Write them on a small card and keep it with you. Read it daily. Affirm silently and aloud that you can achieve them and are well on the way to doing so. Every morning and night, ‘visualise’ yourself (in clear detail) accomplishing your goal, and use autosuggestion.
  2. Be proactive. Take the initiative. Make things happen. ‘Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid.’ (Goethe)
  3. Identify your key result areas. In many fields, there are only a few – perhaps three or four – activities at which you must excel. It’s important to know what these are, and master them
  4. Plan carefully. Planning starts the process of translating your goals from ideas into something tangible. Included in your plan should be your long, medium and short-term goals. Long-term goals spell out your ultimate destination; medium goals are the major landmarks along the way; and short-term goals are your immediate priorities. Specify how you will set about achieving your goals and write it down. Read through the plan regularly to assess whether you’re on course. If not – make adjustments. But remember, no plan should ever be cast in stone. If it turns out to be impractical, change course. A good plan is not restrictive, but allows for every likely contingency.
  5. Assess risk. You may need to take a few risks, but risk taking doesn’t mean being foolhardy: weigh up the odds and if there’s a good chance of success have a go. Do your homework.
  6. Teamwork: Most achievements involve working with others to accomplish a goal. You’re unlikely to have all the information, skills, resources and contacts that you need. Find people who can help. Working with a team enables you to plug the gaps in areas where you’re relatively weak, generate more and better ideas than you could alone, gain access to resources you do not have and benefit from synergy – (the ‘2+2=5’ effect).  And most importantly, make sure that everyone in your team benefits.
  7. Go the extra mile. Give a little extra. Look for ways of doing more than is expected of you. Your ‘customers’ will come back for more and will recommend you to others.
  8. Learn from your ‘failures’ – everyone has them. Every successful person knows that each so-called ‘failure’ contains within it the seeds of success – providing you can spot them and turn them to your advantage. Thomas Edison tried for years to perfect the electric light bulb despite being told by the best scientific minds of the day that it was impossible to get light from electricity. After approximately five thousand attempts, a journalist asked him why he was risking his reputation on such a futile exercise. ‘You don’t understand the way the world works,’ he replied. ‘I haven’t failed at all. I’ve just found five thousand ways it won’t work. Each one takes me closer to discovering the way it will’. View setbacks merely as inconvenient and keep going.
  9. Don’t be a DOPE – ‘Driven by Other People’s Expectations’. Many people deny their own potential because listen to the wrong people. Dr Albert Einstein offered the following advice: ‘Be independent of the opinion of others.’ Share your dreams only with people who have high aspirations of their own. They’ll understand.
  10. Time management: success depends a great deal on how you use your time. You’ve heard it said that ‘time is money’, and this is partly true, but with two important differences: You can’t save time to spend another day; and no matter how much time you’ve wasted in the past, you’ve still got now… and tomorrow… and the day after that…
  11. Monitor your results. If you’re making headway – fine. Keep going. Carry out some fine-tuning if necessary. But if you’re not, be honest with yourself. Find out where you’re going wrong and make adjustments.
  12. Never, never give up. Determination and perseverance are probably the main distinguishing qualities of successful people.

©David Lawrence Preston, 21.3.2016

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